Change, Loss and Radical Forgiveness

First day of Spring today and even though I am looking out on a brown landscape and the air is chill, I can feel the pulse within.  My pale dry skin that covers me isn’t matching my steamy, pressure-cooker insides.  I want something (anything) to happen – NOW!  I see my teenagers’ (yes, plural) restless angst, dying for 8th grade to be OVER already, mirroring my own.  I wish it were summer…wish I were in a car driving West…or in a gyspy caravan on my way to Mother India.  Anywhere but here.  Blah.

Because ‘here’ is feeling a little uncomfortable to tell the truth.  We’ve got one girl wanting to spend more time at our house and one wanting to spend more time at her other parent’s house.  Both girls want to be with their mamas.  There’s something that feels natural and right about this but that doens’t mean there aren’t pangs for everyone – especially the dads.  The girls are growing up.  It happens.  Right before our eyes, these babies we have clothed and fed and loved and band-aided have grown into young women whose needs are communicated more through subtle smoke signals and hormonal energy fields than through direct contact.  These days  I keep a wary eye on my porcupine and wait for invitations to come closer – grateful when they happen.  Yes, I’m mourning the loss of my little girl.  But to be truthful, she’s had one hand on the door knob her whole life.  Guess who that reminds me of?  I’m crazy about that kid.  I know that the next 4 years are going to go by in a blur, I miss her already.

Baby Gilrl on the Go

Baby Gilrl on the Go

A random purchase has turned into a profound learning opportunity for me.  On a whim, I bought “Radical Forgiveness” by Colin Tipping.  The title grabbed me and I was curious. Basically the theory is that each interaction we have with others is created on a soul level for our growth.  Situations that we may experience as hurtful or painful are actually gifts and we can have gratitude for the people that stir this up in us beceause, on a soul level, they have agreed to come in and give us that leg up on the evolutionary ladder.  For example, if I have a belief (fear/story) that people abandon me, then I am going to attract relationships in to my life where people leave me, because on a soul level I am wanting (needing) to heal that wound.   If I can forgive the person that “abandons” me and understand that this is an opportunity for me to heal, the theory is that I won’t attract that in my life anymore, because I have healed that wound or story.  And not just forgive the person either, I need to love that person and be grateful that their soul is willing to show up for me.  Radical, right?

There are some people that it’s easy for me to apply this principle to and there are others that are harder for me, but I’m noticing that and playing with it.  I love the concept and I think it only works if I’m willing to apply it to ALL relationships.  It’s juicy material for sure.

About Roxanna Smith

Exploring the world of living, loving and grieving with an open heart.
This entry was posted in Forgiveness, grief, Parenthood and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Change, Loss and Radical Forgiveness

  1. Barbara says:

    I can relate. Forgiveness with love is huge. And courageous and such a gift when you get to the other side. Oh, and letting go of your baby, toddler, little girl. Hard to believe she is unfolding into the teenage years. It’s a ride! Ever been on the tower of terror? Well, this one ain’t at Disneyland. Breathe and enjoy the ride. Scream a bit and laugh a bit….you will be stronger when it’s over….is it ever over?

  2. brette says:

    Hi – I LOVED that book Radical Forgiveness. Thanks for sharing. If we can Forgive, we can certainly Love…. letting go and holding closer in our hearts is a beautiful dance….

  3. robink2 says:

    “And not just forgive the person either, I need to love that person and be grateful that their soul is willing to show up for me.”

    This is so powerful and equally so if “that person” is oneself.

    This photo 🙂

    Kids are wonderful, if sometimes chameleonic, receivers of love. Aren’t they?

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