Chakra Series – 5th Chakra

Throat Chakra - taken by my son

Throat Chakra – taken by my son

Vishuddha – Throat Chakra – Sound, Creative identity, (self-expression)

This is the chakra located at the throat and is related to communication and creativity.  When open, you are free to speak your mind, express yourself fluently, and feel as if you have a right to your voice.  I’ve been hesitant to write about the 5th chakra because I’ve been in a funky place of self-doubt, insecurity, and writer’s block.  The antithesis of a flowing 5th chakra.  But then I realized, I was waiting until I had something “good” to write, instead of just sharing what is living in my heart and speaking my mind.  That I can do.

This is the time of year I always, always begin my descent down into the underworld, to shed my layers and hang on Inanna’s meat hook.  I feel like my insides are exposed and I get protective, isolated.  Something about the holidays and my birthday approaching.  And an internal wisdom to hibernate and go within that bumps up against our society’s demand that we Celebrate!  with a capital ‘C’.

Yesterday was the Day of the Dead.  The veils are thin at this time of year.  I feel it.  The clocks have turned back this morning, and while I write this, the sky is putting on a show for me;  rose pink, lavender gray and pale orange behind inky trees.

November Sky

November Sky

Where does the time go?  I spent Halloween night quietly, not a lot of trick-or-treaters on our street.  I spoke to Andy, alone on Halloween just like me, in another state.  We texted each other using emoji’s = Modern Love.  We were walking down memory lane about past Halloweens with our kids.  I was looking at old pictures of parties we used to have.  I was feeling melancholy looking at the small fresh faces in all the photographs, dressed in their costumes.  Pirate cheerleader, angel, ghost.  “I know, those days are gone forever” texts my husband.  “Thanks for cheering me up!” I text and include a gun emoji pointed at my head.  (my sense of humor)

I had one tiny little girl who stared at me with wide eyes and, when prompted by her parents, whispered a hushed “twick or tweat”.  My heart ached with the purity of that age – her family’s future spreading out before them in an amalgam of hopes and dreams.  I’ve aged.  I’ve become cynical.  My heart is broken.  This is the first Halloween ever that I haven’t spoken to my daughter.  I can’t.  She’s not here.  She’s in a therapeutic boarding school.  This is our life right now.

Gazing upon my trick-or-treater’s face, I felt like Scrooge looking down on Tiny Tim and felt my heart crack with her innocence.  I ran upstairs and got my daughter’s fancy tea set all packed away in a wicker basket (I remember when I bought it at a fancy toy store in town that has since closed) and handed it to the girl’s mom.  “Enjoy it, use it” I said.  One more childhood token removed from the house.

It feels cliche for me to write about the “cycle of life” but it always comes up for me at this time of year:  birth, death, dreams, heart-ache, babies, teenagers, the truly egregious wounds that family can and does inflict, Spring, Fall, candycorn, rotting pumpkins, plump cheek, wrinkles, baby, crone, dropouts, honor roll, fresh air, meds, the redemptive power of LOVE in family = it all swirls inside my brain and my heart and collects in an aching lump, in my throat.  Glad I got it down in words today.

About Roxanna Smith

Exploring the world of living, loving and grieving with an open heart.
This entry was posted in Chakras, Change, Forgiveness, grief, Love, Parenthood, Truth, Vulnerability and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Chakra Series – 5th Chakra

  1. lynneatherton7 says:

    I hadn’t yet seen your sky picture when I just sent you mine… Thanks for this post. It makes me feel sad for you, though. (Good for you on the tea set!) And meantime I have many things to do in the next 24 hours, starting with the trash and recycling right now. Speaking of speaking, this afternoon when I was offered $10 an hour to work mornings at the church, I replied, “I’d almost rather do it for nothing. I think we-the-church shouldn’t be paying me minimum wage… How about $15?” We’ll see. Love to you.

  2. Lee says:

    Fall seems to bring joy and melancholy for me. The passage of time seems quicker, if that’s possible. Traditions that you did every fall starts to not happen, because your soon to be teenager isn’t interested, but why am I as an adult?
    You are so brave and forthright about your feelings and even when you feel you have writer’s block
    your words are true and direct. My heart sends love and comfort to you across the miles.
    Do you have the BIG birthday coming up? 🙂

  3. nancygentry says:

    I love this post. This is very well written for someone who has writers block! Sometimes we just have to force ourselves to write. See what comes up.

  4. Kif says:

    the throat chakra has always been a big focus for me. love stumbling across this page and receiving such a great reminder!

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